Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize