I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
