i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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