Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish you could order shots online.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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