I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
