it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
