Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
