I'm really into asian looking animals
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
