no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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