Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
