She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
