So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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