dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
