if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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