google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
