No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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