i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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