the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
