I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
