just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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