we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
