If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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