wrigley field is MILF paradise
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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