so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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