I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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