that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
