Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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