Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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