I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
