I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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