I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
