Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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