We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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