I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
