So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
