tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
