You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
