i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
