I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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