Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
