Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
