I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
