Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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