You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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