He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
