I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
