I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
