I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
