I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
smell my finger.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
