Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
