Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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