So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
