I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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