Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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