I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
