it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
