Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
