Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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