Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize