I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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