Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize