then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
