I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
