if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
