Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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