i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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