i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
