he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
