Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
