I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
