Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize