Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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