How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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