Ambien. No doubt about it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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