I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
